This page about Filipina and Asian penpals, dating, love, marriage and mail order picture bride introduction sites. Many Asian mail order brides come from the Philippines, China, Vietnam and other countries experiencing economic hardship and long waits for visa numbers. Many ladies may seem sincere, but is it for love or a cultural tradition to support her true family back home? Are there honest Pinay ladies looking for true love and can't find it right at home? Or, are Filipinas mostly seeking a quick solution to a problem? Why do so many men feel pinay penpals are mostly scammers, beggers, liars, K-1 and I-130 visa seekers after money for their "true" families?
This Filipina love and dating information site is 100% free and we don't get paid anything from anyone (Tripod places ads, not us). NOTICE: You use this site "AS-IS" and we make NO guarantee of accuracy or fitness for any purpose!!! We do NOT endorse any dating sites such as: Filipina Heart, Date In Asia, Melindas penpals, Pure Filipina, Find Love Asia, Filipina Eyes, Asia People Meet, Filipina Connection, e-Harmony, Foreign Ladies, Cebuanas, I Chat Filipina, Fildate, Meet Filipina Girls, Philippines Dating Women, Match.com, Cupid, Manila Darlings, Pacific Island Tours, Filipina Match, Christian Filipina or any others. Also, marriage brokers may be illegal yet have operating to find Pinay women, mostly for men in other Asian countries such as Korea, Hong Kong, Singapore and Indonesia. Japan alone, where farmers and fishermen can have more difficulty finding brides, may marry about 36,000 Filipinas in a given decade. Rarely do bride and groom share a common language.
We seek to improve cultural understanding on both sides of the Pacific to avoid marital failure, heartbreak, divorce, alimony, child support, abuse and other serious penpal problems. Mabuhay! Remember, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is! Remember, the biggest and most dangerous scams occur after you hit the tarmac. To see common underlying hidden cultural motivations for marriage, and how some Fil-Am couples may fare, See the movie Closer To Home.
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Those who will not reason, are bigots; those who cannot, are fools; and those who dare not, are slaves." - Lord George Byron
Background On Pen Pals.
ALL pen pals, male and female, publish at dating sites because they are having some problem finding what they are looking for at home. While love and affection is presumed, often there are other underlying motivations.
Filipina dating sites won't release demographics statistics, such a number of members by age and sex. However, we believe there many more men than women at most sites.
Psychologists say love requires three metrics. Passion (sexual arousal), Intimacy (deep reciprocal knowing about each others secrets and fantasies), and Commitment (when you want to keep the Passion and Intimacy of Romantic love going). This is termed "Consummate love" but few Fil-West couples may have arrived at that point in their relationships before saying "I Do".
In the Philippines, The duty of a daughter is often to support her parents and siblings and raise a family of her own to support her one day. Sexual passion and intimacy is often viewed as "sinful" deserving penitence rather than a necessity for a sexually expressive "happy" marriage.
In theocratic cultures like the Philippines where poverty and prescriptive lifestyles may be forced on the couple, there may be more adherence to traditional marriage roles regardless of sexual or romantic fulfillment. Filipinas may focus more on how well a man can enable her to fulfill traditional obligations to her extended family.
Many Filipinas seek work abroad. Many seek a "husband" as "employer" often as a job of last resort. Knowing a Pinay's true motivations for marriage and her family is essential to avoid a love misinterpretations. The movie Closer To Home is an excellent example of hidden underlying motivations in the name of love.
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." -- Albert Einstein
In the past, some sincere Asawa (brides) from the Philippines created small penpal lists to help other ladies in her home town find men so they could improve their living standard and send money back home. Sadly, these more honest publications could not sustain themselves. Pretty photos of Beautiful Island girls sold the big successful publications to hundreds of men seeking submissive cherry blossom wives. This gave scam artists hundreds of male "customers" to milk money from with pity stories. Not much has changed with the internet, although it could. As before, men are the ones paying for these dating introduction services and there is a shortage of younger, child-free, attractive or educated ladies.
Asian & Filipina Pen Pal Dating Connections, The Truths and Lies.
Few women anywhere, including the Philippines, need to look across the seas to find love and romance as there are many men at home in their own countries. But not all men may be financially able to support a wife and family. Also, wealth is attractive to women. For example, in China, where many women publish to marry foreigners, the "one child policy" has resulted in selective abortion as male babies are preferred. Despite a substantially larger number of single men to women, why are there so many Chinese women seeking husbands? Perhaps, it has little to do with finding sex and romance and more to do with affluence.
A huge sex survey in China recently showed that women had the best orgasms when married to wealthy men. It's how women evolved. The China sex survey reaffirmed similar research results in Europe and America. You can't reform biology.
Closer To Home is a Must See Film you can rent at popular movie sites. See, Everlasting Love's description of Closer To Home, or the Plot Summary.
WARNING: Some very dangerous scams can occur and the laws in the Philippines are different than in most Western countries. Also, Philippine ladies often know the immigration and divorce laws of overseas and will do the common scams of Western and American ladies. Western Governments often do more to assist the immigrant than the sponsor, such as the IMBRA law in the USA. The laws generally require the man sponsoring a girl on a fiance visa (K-1 visa) or bride (I-130 visa) to provide for her and her expenses for a period of years, even if there is fraud. Some women have learned to make bogus actions so she does not have to wait for unconditional permanent residency or continue living with the sponsor.
Ideally there could be computer dating sites with "reciprocal matching" and other features. Of course, you won't find them anywhere even though the technology readily exists. Some domestic and foreign dating sites claim to have compatibility and personality matching, but it often appears to be more smoke and mirrors. The problem is dating demographics. If you put all the REAL male and female "parameters" in a big computer you'd find few honest matches. Compromise is all that is left, which is usually unsatisfactory.
Filipinas are expected to be virgins on their wedding and you may even find 80 year old men marrying a young virgin Filipina. Age is unimportant when you're reason for finding a man is purely for financial support for extended family. We've seen many younger men crying in their beers after meeting their pen pal and finding no deep romantic love. Men who have successful marriages to Filipinas often are older and merely seeking a companion to have children and who have surplus money to send to the extended family back home.
Most Filipino families can support a "maid" and most wives expect this. Also, they may see the traditional role of "housewife" as a form of employment deserving compensation to send overseas. In that most middle-income households in the Philippines have a "yaya" (housekeeper) to help raise the kids, she may anticipate her foreign husband can easily support a maid in the West. She may anticipate this if she is to work for what she may believe is a huge income. They don't realize that unless the woman has real job skills, her "yaya" maid hired in the USA will cost more than she earns. Marriage is often viewed more as a type of work "contract" than a love bond.
Bottom line: Filipinas who look good, are virgins, sweet and loving, have a college education, or come from the middle or upper economic castes will be in high demand and have many eligible suitors right at home. They rarely need to publish as pen pals which is a social disgrace in the eyes of many from her culture. It is overlooked because of the "desperation". Filipina bar girls and host-girls working at home or in nearby Asian countries are also seen as supporting family the only way they could.
Why Do Philippine & Asian Women Seek Foreign Husbands?
Some Non-Scientific "Stats" To Consider...
Statistics show that less than 1% of Filipina ladies who publish as penpals will ever marry a foreigner and only a tiny percentage of American marriages involve a foreign bride.
Although not scientific, the following is a rough break-down of the types of ladies who publish.
NOTE: Percentages do NOT add up to 100% due to overlapping criteria.
30% - Are Seeking Romantic Love. But just like men who publish, some women having problems or requirements that are too difficult to match. Also, men and women may be seeking different things in a relationship. Marriage in the Philippines, in a practical sense, comes with a hidden dower or bride price to be paid and support of the wife and family by the man. Many men may not earn enough, or feel the price is worth the return, especially if sensuality is viewed as a function of procreation rather than romantic pleasure.
50% - Want to work abroad, with a man "hiring" her. Most Filipinas have a "duty" to serve the "true family" they come from. The problem is a lack of job skills and up-front agency placement fees make work abroad difficult to find and work at home doesn't pay the expenses. Accordingly, many ladies hope a foreign man may locate them a job or "hire" them to cook and clean and wash clothes (like often done in their own country). Many are unaware that marriage visas are not meant for domestic employment.
20% - Are Side-Line Girls They see the glamor of Rich and Famous and want to travel the world in high class resorts and have the life of a Princess dating rich foreign men. Or, they may just seek money to send home to family. Some may entertain Filipino business men, while others may date foreigners who freely open their wallets. Wording in a profile will usually alert one of the nature of the man desired.
60% - Are scamming for money. Scamming American and Western gentleman of their money is rationalized as ethical because even a few dollars goes a long way to helping them and the family they came from. When economic conditions are very difficult one must think "survival". Many ladies actually see love and dating sites as charity sites. Begging for money with no strings attached is viewed as "good". Keep in mind that the "nickel & dime" and "big pop" money requests are just the PRE-FLIGHT appetizers. Watch out for what can happen after you hit the tarmac!
25% - Are Lady-Boys. These men turned "lady" (TS = transsexuals) can look really hot, especially with their petite Asian features. They can easily fool Western men.
25% - Have Problems. These are the ladies who can't get a man in their own country or anywhere else. They include: un-wed mothers, ex-prostitutes, troubled girls, fanatics, men haters, daddy's girls, etc. (Note: Filipino women will always love Daddy more than You). Again, the more time you spend knowing about each other, the less likely you are to experience heartbreak, misunderstanding, expectations or scams.
20% - Are Chit-Chatters or Party Girls. Many girls are simply there for "Likes" or if you happen to show up with your private jet and want to take their friends (barkada) out to expensive places. Their scam is to take your money for "fun" and leave without a trace. Keep in mind most of these ladies will keep so distant from their pen pal nobody can recognize which girl in her barkada found the "sucker" to pay the bills. Being seen with a foreigner can be a bigger social disgrace than being seen wearing a string bikini in a gentleman's bar (and they don't even wear bikinis at the beach).
20% - Are Paranoid Of Foreigners. Some ladies believe wicked rumors of how Filipina ladies have been abused by their foreign husbands. While some crime occurs everywhere, it seems that such fears may arise more from the crime rates in her country than the crime in yours. Statistics show the Philippines has one of the highest levels of distrust in others. But, after hearing their fears of rape and murder by foreigners, one must ask, why would they still publish? Again, financial desperation is the usual motivation!
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted. - Jerome Blattner
"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." -- Arthur Schopenhauer
"Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority." - Thomas Huxley (1825-1895)
"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong." - Voltaire